But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
