Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
