i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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