Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
