THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
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I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
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My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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