I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I want a musical about memes.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
