Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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