We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
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i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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