Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize