i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
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They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
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I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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