Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Your cock deserves a montage
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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