I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
