She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
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She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
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Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
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