Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
