my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
okay pat passed out under dana's car
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
