don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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