Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
