that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
