Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
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I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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