Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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