I need to stop coming to work sober
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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