So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
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based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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