im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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