I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
