she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
