So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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