he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
