she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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