This is not my ceiling
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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