with your own penis?
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
