i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
