I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
