Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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