how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
