Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
My life is pants optional.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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