Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
