Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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