You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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