Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
