I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
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