I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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