I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
