he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
