I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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