you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize