his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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