Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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