you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
