Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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