and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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