I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5