Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
