what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
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