Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
