you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
