Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
